I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
