Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
