Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
