Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
