i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
