I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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