so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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