I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
