i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
