Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
