I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
