singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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