The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
