he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
