You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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