even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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