dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
