I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize