i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
