"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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