so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
