i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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