I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
