chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
