I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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