Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
