oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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