wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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