oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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