Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
high people should be assigned attendants
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Are these your boobs on my camera?
please don't ironically join a cult
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