....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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