WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
