remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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