Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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