I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
