It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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