After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
