Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
