I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
