We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
