fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
