I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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