Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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