Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
