Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
there's paper in my vomit.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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