thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
