i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
