Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
