i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
