I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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