I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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