I'm drive I can fine osifer
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
