I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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