I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
