How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
