So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
