Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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