Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we made out on top of his cat.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
