I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
