I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
